First-Day Feelings: Helping Children Feel Ready for School

Starting school is a big milestone. So is returning after a long summer, moving into a new classroom or making the leap from infant to junior school.

For children, these moments can bring a wonderful mixture of excitement, curiosity, pride (and a touch of worry).

A few butterflies before the first day are very normal. Your child might be wondering who they will sit beside, whether they will like their teacher, what happens at lunchtime or whether the work will feel difficult. Younger children may be thinking about something much more fundamental: Will my Grown-Up really come back?

And children don't always tell us these worries directly. Anxiety can sometimes appear as clinginess, irritability, tears, tummy aches, bad dreams or difficulties settling to sleep.

The aim isn't to make every nervous feeling disappear. Instead, there are gentle ways we can make school feel a little more predictable, give worries somewhere to go and remind our children that they don't have to navigate big changes alone.

Make the unknown a little more familiar

For a child starting Reception or school for the first time, some of their biggest worries may be about things adults barely think twice about.

• Where will I put my coat?
• What happens if I need the toilet?
• Who will I sit with at lunch?
• Who will collect me?
• What if I don't know what to do?

Talking through what the school day might actually look like can help make an unfamiliar experience feel more manageable. You might walk past the school together, look at photographs of their classroom or teacher, practise getting dressed in their uniform or pack their school bag together.

For an older child moving into a new year or a different school, their concerns may have changed. Friendships, finding classrooms, remembering equipment, a new teacher, harder work or simply being somewhere less familiar can all feel significant. YoungMinds recommends talking openly about how a new school environment will differ and reassuring children that nerves around a transition are normal.

Try not to overload them with preparation. A few small, familiarising conversations are often more useful than turning starting school into one enormous event.

Mark the moment

There is something lovely about acknowledging that a first day is a milestone.

A card waiting beside their breakfast or tucked into their school bag can become a little reminder that somebody at home is thinking of them.

Make space for worries and excitement

One of the easiest questions to ask a child is:

"Are you worried about school?"

Unfortunately, it is also quite an easy question to answer with:

"No."

Children don't always have the words to explain why something feels uncomfortable. Instead of trying to extract a worry, create little opportunities for conversation.

Bedtime can work particularly well because the day has slowed down and you are already spending quiet time together.

You don't need a formal heart-to-heart. Try choosing just one question:

• What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?
• Is there anything about school you wish you knew?
• Which part of the day do you think might be easiest?
• Is there any part that feels a little tricky?
• Who could you ask for help if you needed it?
• If you could change one thing about tomorrow, what would it be?
• What would make tomorrow feel like a good day?

Sometimes you will discover a worry. Sometimes you'll hear something your child is wildly excited about. And sometimes the answer will simply be "I don't know."

All three are fine.

The important part is creating regular opportunities for children to know that thoughts and feelings (comfortable and uncomfortable ones) are welcome.

Give worries somewhere to go

For children who find talking face-to-face difficult, drawing or writing can be much easier.

You could try having a small notebook or pieces of paper available before bed. A child can draw the thing they are thinking about or write down a question they don't know the answer to.

The worry doesn't necessarily need an immediate solution. Sometimes the first step is simply helping the child get it out of their head and into the open.

Our My Fuzzy Feelings Worry Monster gives children a playful way to recognise and explore worries. Children can write or draw their thoughts and give them somewhere to go... particularly useful when worries have a habit of appearing just as the lights go out.

Bring bedtime back into rhythm

Summer holidays have a wonderful way of stretching evenings.

Later dinners, lighter nights, holidays and days without an alarm clock can all gradually move bedtime later. Then suddenly September arrives.

Rather than trying to reset everything on the night before school, start nudging the family's evening rhythm back towards normal beforehand.

Keep the evening familiar and relatively predictable: dinner, bath or wash, pyjamas, a quiet activity, story and bed, whatever your family's usual rhythm looks like.

And don't feel you need to create an elaborate relaxation routine.

Sometimes one small thing done regularly is enough.

A calmer way to wind down

The Bedtime Wind Down Book for Kids brings together simple breathing exercises, gentle yoga poses, affirmations and colouring activities for children aged three to eight. You can pick just one activity rather than feeling you need to complete a whole routine.

Or, for children who need to move their bodies before they can become still:

Our Yoga Cards are perfect. Choose one gentle movement or breathing activity together after school or before bedtime. Slow breathing and yoga among the simple strategies parents can use to help children manage anxious feelings.

Build confidence without telling them not to worry

When your child says they feel nervous, it can be tempting to immediately reply:

"Don't worry! You'll be absolutely fine."

It comes from a lovely place. But we can also make room for the feeling while communicating confidence in their ability to manage it.

Try:

"It makes sense that this feels a bit strange when it's all so new."

"You don't know exactly what tomorrow will be like yet, but there will be grown-ups there to help you."

Or:

"You can feel nervous and excited at the same time."

The message isn't that brave children never worry.

It's that children can do new things while carrying a few butterflies with them.

For children who enjoy prompts and activities, our Positive Me Children's Mindfulness Flash Cards include affirmations, mindful prompts and activities designed for children aged seven to ten, while our Calm Me: Kids Mindfulness Activity Book offers another quiet, screen-free way to explore calm and emotional wellbeing.

Leave some space after school too

Starting or returning to school takes a surprising amount of energy.

A child who has held everything together beautifully from 9am until 3pm may arrive home exhausted, emotional, argumentative or simply unwilling to answer another question.

Try not to judge the success of the day by the response to:

"How was school?"

Some children need food, familiarity and time before they are ready to talk.

You might try later:

"What made you laugh today?"

"Was anything different from what you expected?"

"What shall we remember for tomorrow?"

Keeping home relatively familiar during a big transition can provide an important sense of steadiness while everything else is changing. Give them time and space to adjust rather than expecting them to manage every part of a transition at once.

Remember: the aim isn't a perfect first day

There may be tears at the school gate.

Someone may forget their water bottle.

Your child might come home declaring they are never going back... and then wake up asking whether it's school time yet!

When school worries feel bigger

Some nerves around starting or returning to school are common. But if your child's worries are persistent, becoming more intense or beginning to significantly affect their sleep, wellbeing or ability to attend school, it is worth speaking to their teacher or school wellbeing team and seeking further professional advice if needed.

For more NHS guidance on worries and anxieties in children see their article here.